What Is the Validation Skill in DBT? How to Validate Yourself and Others
The Validation skill in DBT is the practice of showing that someone’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences make sense, communicating “your reaction is understandable” without having to agree or fix anything. At DBT Path, the original online DBT skills class taught online since 2013, you learn the Validation skill to ease conflict, deepen relationships, and offer the same understanding to yourself.
Validation does not mean approving of everything or pretending a problem does not exist. It means acknowledging that a feeling is real and that it makes sense in context.
How to validate someone else
Pay full attention
Listen without planning your reply. Being truly present is itself a powerful form of validation.
Reflect back what you hear
Say what you understand of their experience, so they feel accurately seen: “It sounds like that really hurt.”
Name what makes sense
Show how their reaction fits their history or the situation: “Of course you felt anxious, that has gone badly before.” This is the heart of the Validation skill.
Validate without fixing
Resist the urge to jump to solutions. Often people need to feel understood before they want advice.
How to validate yourself
Self-validation is offering yourself that same understanding. Notice your feeling, name it, and remind yourself that it makes sense, instead of judging yourself for having it.
When to use it
Use this skill in tense conversations, when someone you love is upset, or when you are being hard on yourself. The Validation skill calms emotion and builds trust on both sides.
How DBT Path teaches it
At DBT Path, you learn this skill in live, online classes led by founder Debbie DeMarco Bennett and Dr. Kathryn Holt, the same two teachers every week. Every week you also receive personalized written feedback on your skills practice from a trained DBT Path team member, so you can practice validation in your own relationships. It is one part of the full DBT curriculum: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. You can explore the online DBT classes or a related skill like DEAR MAN. The approach is grounded in standard DBT as developed in Marsha Linehan’s research.
Frequently asked questions
What is the Validation skill in DBT?
The Validation skill in DBT is showing that someone’s feelings or experiences make sense, without necessarily agreeing or fixing anything. DBT Path teaches it for both validating others and validating yourself.
Does validation mean I agree with the person?
No. Validation acknowledges that a feeling is understandable, which is different from agreeing or approving. DBT Path teaches you to validate the emotion even when you see things differently.
How do I validate myself?
Notice your feeling, name it, and remind yourself it makes sense given your history and situation, instead of judging yourself. At DBT Path you practice self-validation with weekly feedback.
Is validation a real DBT skill?
Yes. Validation is a core interpersonal effectiveness skill in standard DBT, and DBT Path teaches it as part of the full evidence-based curriculum.
Ready to learn DBT skills with support? Explore the online DBT classes at DBT Path and join a welcoming class taught by the same teachers every week.