What Is Loving Kindness in DBT? How to Practice Warmth Toward Yourself and Others
Loving Kindness is a DBT mindfulness practice where you intentionally send warm, caring wishes to yourself and others, gently building goodwill in place of judgment. At DBT Path, the original online DBT skills class taught online since 2013, you learn Loving Kindness so that mindfulness becomes not just attention but warmth, because the way you relate to yourself and others can be softened with practice.
You cannot force yourself to feel love on command, but you can practice wishing well, and over time that practice changes how you hold yourself and the people around you.
How to practice Loving Kindness
Loving Kindness is a simple, repeatable mindfulness practice built on a few quiet phrases.
Start with yourself
Silently offer yourself a few kind wishes, such as may I be safe, may I be well, may I be at peace. For emotionally sensitive people this first step is often the hardest and the most healing.
Extend it to someone you care about
Bring to mind someone you love and offer them the same wishes: may you be safe, may you be well, may you be at peace. Notice the warmth that comes with picturing them.
Widen the circle
Gradually include neutral people, then people you find difficult, then all beings. You are not approving of anyone’s behavior, you are practicing goodwill.
Return when your mind wanders
When your attention drifts, gently come back to the phrases. The returning is the practice, just as in any other mindfulness skill.
When to use it
Use Loving Kindness when you are caught in self-criticism, resentment, or isolation, or simply as a daily practice to soften your default stance toward yourself and others. It pairs naturally with the other mindfulness skills, adding warmth to nonjudgmental awareness.
How DBT Path teaches it
At DBT Path, you learn this skill in live, online classes led by founder Debbie DeMarco Bennett and Dr. Kathryn Holt, the same two teachers every week. Every week you also receive personalized written feedback on your skills practice from a trained DBT Path team member, so you can build a Loving Kindness practice that feels genuine for you. It is one part of the full DBT curriculum: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Emotion Regulation, and Interpersonal Effectiveness. You can explore the online DBT classes or related skills like Wise Mind and the How Skills. The approach is grounded in standard DBT as developed in Marsha Linehan’s research.
Frequently asked questions
What is Loving Kindness in DBT?
Loving Kindness is a DBT mindfulness practice of silently sending warm wishes to yourself and others to build goodwill in place of judgment. DBT Path teaches it as starting with yourself, extending to loved ones, and widening the circle to all beings.
What do you say during Loving Kindness practice?
You repeat simple phrases such as may I be safe, may I be well, may I be at peace, then offer the same wishes to others. At DBT Path you learn to choose phrases that feel sincere and steadying for you.
What if I cannot feel kindness toward myself?
That is very common, especially for emotionally sensitive people, and the practice still works. DBT Path teaches that wishing yourself well, even when the feeling is not there yet, gradually softens self-judgment.
Is Loving Kindness a real DBT skill?
Yes. Loving Kindness is a mindfulness practice included in standard DBT, and DBT Path teaches it as part of the full evidence-based curriculum.
Ready to learn DBT skills with support? Explore the online DBT classes at DBT Path and join a welcoming class taught by the same teachers every week.